I’m trying to think of what I can clean out this week…I find myself a little emotionally raw from yesterday’s post so I’m gonna look for something that I physically hang on to. I can’t imagine finding something that I phycially hang on to as something that is gonna set me off.
I decided to look at my supply shelf and realize that I am a sharps container hoarder. There I said it. I don’t know why this is. I must have like 5 of them and two on reserve still in the boxes they came in. None of them are full..well maybe one of them is full. I don’t know why I accumulate so many or feel the need to have multiple back up containers. Should I get rid of them? Absolutely, what’s the use in hanging on to these things, well except to collect lancets, syringes, and pen needles?
Is it me or are these sharps containers like little plastic piggy banks for all my pokey devices? At least a piggy bank will buy me a beer when its full. The only thing a sharps container gives me when its full is the problem of disposing of it and the neccessity for a new one.
Oh little platic boxes that hold my pointy thingys…thank you for being there for me and helping me get rid of the pricks in my life. 🙂
Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let’s clear stuff out. What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out? This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you’re mentally or emotionally hanging on to. Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it? (Thank you Rick of RA Diabetes for this topic suggestion.)
People who know me know that I am generally a happy person. Upon meeting people, I am smiling, cracking jokes, even making myself the butt of jokes just to make others feel comfortable around me. I work on being a sunshiny person with rose colored lenses. (I love pink!)
So, it is really a challenge for me to share this next post because it asks me to reflect on the types of stories you may not read from me for one reason or another. Here goes:
I have a feeling you will not hear about the times when Diabetes just really gets me down. I’m not talking about, “Oh, I had a bad reading on my meter.” or “That last lancet really hurt!” down…more like Breakfast at Tiffany’s when Holly Golightly describes “The Mean Reds”. I will probably not write about the times, when my optimism, inspiration and hope run slim. Why? It is not really what I am about. I feel no need to bring anyone down with me when I am there. And most times, there just are no words to describe that place I find myself sometimes-even after only 3 years of diagnosis.
Honestly, I believe it is enough to let you know I have those moments of darkness.
And so onward and upward, I will leave you with something that helps me when I just have no words. The words of the famous Charlie Chaplin:
Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it’s breaking When there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You’ll see the sun come shining through for you Light up your face with gladness Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near That’s the time you must keep on trying Smile what’s the use of crying You’ll find that life is still worthwhile If you’ll just Smile
Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see. What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet? Or from your family and friends? Why is it important to keep it to yourself? (This is not an attempt to get you out of your comfort zone. There is no need to elaborate or tell personal stories related to these aspects. Simply let us know what kinds of stories we will never hear you tell, and why you won’t tell them.) (Thank you Scott E of Rolling in the D for this topic.)
Ideas have been floating in my mind about how I was going to start this week’s series of blogs. This is my first Diabetes Blog Week, and honestly, I’m a little nervous. How am I going to knock it out of the park?
I thought about listing all the things I have been able to do since I was diagnosed. I thought about the fact that after I got home from a week long stay at the hospital, my muscles had weakend and I couldn’t even get up the stairs without crying. And how with determination, I am now able to run up and down those stairs daily. I thought about talking about my first time eating out at a restaurant with my husband and diabetes and how his encouragement of not being ashamed to check my blood sugars in public and take my insulin in public has given me the strength to be able to do so many other things with him, our girls, and diabetes. I thought about all the places we have travelled to since then and the people with diabetes I’ve met along the way. I thought about talking about my JDRF walk team #teamcuttheBS and how much we’ve raised together and how proud I am of the work we’ve done.
Today’s post is meant to talk about something that I am proud of accomplishing. And as proud as I am of all these things, nothing beats the text, email, or private message from one of my friends online who has been struggling with the notion of even checking his/her blood sugars. When I get that message from someone after they see a post of my meter that reads 238mg/dl asking me how I responded or the message that says, “I checked mine today too!” Or “I found my meter, I can start checking again.” Or the beer someone bought me because she was no longer “pre-diabetic.” I’d say those are the accomplishments I find most dear.
Why? Because until I sat in a room where everyone else checked their blood sugars, every time I checked my blood sugar, I felt alone. I find it impossible that I am the only person to feel this way. Why did I feel alone? No one else had to do it, no one else really had to react at the number that comes up (unless it’s super low and I’m passed out on the floor,) and no one else around feels the guilt I do when the number is “out of range” high or low. Loneliness sucks and I wish it on no one.
If I can help someone to find the strength in themselves, to get out that effing meter, prick themselves and brave whatever number flashes on that screen, then I have it it me to do anything.